Deliverance and Freedom

Last night Phil and I went to the last Cleansing Stream study before the retreat in Pittsburgh tomorrow evening. On the way there I was reluctant to go because Satan had really been attacking me lately and I felt "out of place" being there with everyone exclaiming how much God is showing them through the study. God has been showing me a lot as well, but it made me feel that there was nothing changing because my response was not the response of many of the people in the study. I was able to open up and was accepted by the wonderful group of women who reassured me that what I'm going through is perfectly normal and that God is going to do a great thing at the retreat! I left feeling happy and inspired!

I went to bed last night praying deliverance and freedom not just for myself, but for Phil as well. As I was praying I felt God's presence and it was amazing. My mood this morning was fantastic and I could tell that God was working! I found myself praying and praising God for the freedom He has given us! God has already won the spiritual battle and has given us victory over all. We need to be open to receive the freedom that He has for us and the blessings that He has for us in store. Hallelujah!

On the Positives About my Job

As with any job being a nanny has many good points and some not-so-good points to it. It's hard to think that soon I will be doing something else because that's what I've done for the past 5 years, but although it's hard to think of, it will happen and I am ready for the change! Although I will miss the following "perks" to my current position:

• Having a split-shift and being able to schedule appointments, go shopping, run errands, and just chill out while the kids are in school.
• Nap-time--it's the best "break" ever!
• Knowing that basically as long as the kids are safe and chores are done, I get paid to play and hang out all day.
• Not having to dress up everyday for work.
• Having a pretty good commute with minimal traffic and drama.
• Being able to be out in the sunshine in the middle of the day without neglecting my job.
• Getting to talk to my friends and family during the day (when appropriate) since most of them are on the West Coast.
• Getting a gas card every two weeks for my car to help pay for gas.
• Being paid to take the kids to lunch and having my meals paid for while I'm on the clock.
• And most of all--being able to pay my bills and get things done while having a good amount of time to myself.

Even though I will miss all of those things, I am so ready for a new challenge and change. I am trusting that God has a job for me in the works and he will bring it about in due time. Until then, I will be at my current position full-time until mid-June and figuring out what is next after that.

Meltdowns and Victories

I swear, every time I try to eat healthier it just backfires on me and I end up feeling like I'm starving all day...no matter what I eat. It sucks, really it does. So, despite my positive efforts yesterday, it happened once again. All day I tried to keep a positive attitude, in fact, the girls yesterday told me, "You're in a good mood today" when I picked them up from school. Unfortunately when the hunger kicks in hard, you can only imagine how long that "good mood" can last. Still, I tried to make the best of it. Until the unexpected happened.

Phil and I went to the store last night to get me a fan for my room. I am trying to be super frugal with my job ending in June and not wanting to spend tons of money on utilities which means no air conditioning. It worked out well last summer and I used a portable air conditioner only when it was too humid in the apartment to get it manageable, then went back to the fan. So, here we are walking down the aisles looking for fans, I am hungry as all get out and the oldest girl I watch gave me a really rough afternoon yesterday. We see the aisle of fans and he goes to the small "personal fans" while I was thinking more of a standing oscillating fan. Now, I'm pretty open-minded since he's paying for it and all and trying to be cool about it, but there are so many freakin' fans that I get completely overwhelmed. I'm hungry, anxious, overwhelmed, and a getting a bit angsty as to why it can't just be easier to pick a fan. So, what do I do? I sat down on the open shelf and try not to cry. Yes, cry. Because apparently that's how I handle things. Luckily, it's not the balling type of crying more like the silent, short, why the heck are tears even coming out, sort of a cry.

Poor Phil. He's standing there not knowing what to do and once we finally get a fan he offers to get me something from McDonalds so that I can stop feeling like crap. Since I'm really trying to eat healthier I decided to forgo the fast food and we went to my apartment to drop off the stuff and so I could eat some dinner only to still be hungry...again. So, once we got back to his house I grabbed a glass of milk and a tub of grapes. I sat there watching tv and on the internet eating grapes until the feeling of starvation went away. Well, by the time that happened the whole tub of grapes was almost gone and when Phil came back from his shower and saw that he busted out laughing!

The best part about it all is that when I stepped on the scale this morning, it said that I've dropped 1.6 pounds! That is the first time the scale has moved down in over two months!!! I'm thinking it was a victory!

mcfatty monday

I'm still maintaining my weight despite multiple efforts over the past couple of months. I've been discouraged and took a step back for a few weeks, but am ready to get back onto the bandwagon. I want to be healthy and not focus on just the weight, but how I feel overall. I've noticed that I feel better when I work out and eat better despite the lack of weight loss and I really like how that feels.

Right now I'm going to focus on avoiding the foods that I crave when I'm stressed. Of course, it doesn't help that when I walked into work this morning there are chocolate cupcakes sitting out waiting to be eaten. So far it's been easy to avoid them. I had a bowl of Special K cereal this morning and have no desire to eat the cupcakes, but that's probably because I'm not super stressed right now so we'll have to see how well this afternoon goes when the kids are running a muck in the house.

It's so easy to run and pick up something through the drive-thru when I find myself hungry. Hunger hits me quickly and once my blood sugar gets too low I need to eat something right-that-second so that the dizziness, shakes, and weakness goes away. It's been easier to make sure that I'm eating plenty of small snacks to curb the starvation problem and often times I will stop by my house for lunch since there aren't many "ready to eat" things at my bosses' house and I can only eat so many PB&J sandwiches...seriously.

The other things I'm gong to focus on is my water intake and regular exercise. I like going to the gym and the feeling of happiness that brings, but it can be difficult to get to the gym. It's a lot easier to go with a friend, but sometimes no one is available to go and I must make the decision to go anyways. I like to think that I'll do a video at home, but usually I end up avoiding the at home workout and just watch a movie instead.

I believe that the weight will come off naturally with living a healthy lifestyle and maybe by focusing on being healthier and more fit and less on the weight itself, it will put me in a better frame of mind and perspective to be able to do more.

Does anyone have any tips for getting past food cravings or getting the right frame of mind for the gym? Leave me a comment and let me know your thoughts!

Getting Through

Yesterday was a rough day for me. I don't know what happened, but it was a really hard day. I am so thankful for the man that God has put in my life. Through it all he was supportive, loving, and understanding. He even came and picked me up last night to go to his house so I didn't have to be alone. He is incredibly selfless and really goes out of his way to make me happy. I am feeling better today and hope that continues. No matter what I know that God is good and this too, shall pass.

Organization...Fail

Days like today make me wonder if I'll ever get it all done. The oldest girl I watch had to stay home from school today so the youngest was put into school until 2pm which means there's a big chunk of time for me to get things done. I had a doctor's appointment at 10am and decided that after that we would go to my apartment so I can continue my "organization" project while she studies for school.

We were there for for about two and a half hours and I cleaned out my closet of clothes that are no longer needed, scrubbed the tub, moved my spices to the new shelf in the kitchen, cleaned out the old spice drawer and re-folded all of the kitchen towels/linens to go in that drawer, put the dishes away, and threw out so many little things that were no longer needed it was ridiculous! It sounds like a lot of things were accomplished, but at the end of the trip my apartment looks the same as it did before :(

It comes down to the fact that the apartment is too small for all of my things and there are too many small, random things to really have a home. I would love to get a new organizer, but it would take up more floor space and that's really not happening because the floor space is already limited. It also doesn't help that all of the flooring in the apartment are terrible and will always look dingy no matter how many times I clean them. I've even tried scrubbing on my hands and knees before and when it was finished the only thing Phil could say was "Well, it looks really....shiny." Lol...it was funny and sad all at the same time.

Right now it just seems like this will continue to be an ongoing struggle to keep things organized and picked up until a) I have a bigger apartment with more storage options or b) We decide to do a massive clean and throw away a whole bunch of stuff. Either way, it will take some more time and I will keep trying.

Weekend Recap

Friday was awesome! I only worked 2 hours the whole day and was able to pick up the apartment, run to the grocery store, and relax for most of the day. As usual, we had the family Friday night dinner and it was amazing. We had crab imperial, snap peas, fruit salad, and garlic potato wedges. I love family dinners on Friday nights because it gives Phil and I a chance to sit down with the people that we love and reconnect and catch-up with them.

Saturday was by far our busiest day. We hosted brunch for some friends of ours and it turned out really well. I made french toast with brioche bread, pumpkin pie spice, and vanilla, veggie pizza, gorgonzola pizzettes, fruit and yogurt cups, and orange cream mimosas. Phil made the bacon and deviled eggs. I did really well with letting him make those and not interfering...lol. After brunch, we went to a family friend's birthday party for their adorable little girl who turned 1! It was a lot of fun and there was tons of good food and sangria :) Unfortunately, I wasn't feeling well so we decided to skip family game night at Phil's Aunt's house and just relax just the two of us. We went to pizza hut for dinner and were able to have a great time talking and eating pizza.

Sunday, we went to church in the morning (of course) and followed it by lunch and running errands. We ended up getting a lot of things at the store, mainly because I had some really good coupons and didn't want to waste them, and had a quick bite to eat from the brunch leftovers before heading out to the Marriage Fellowship Bible Study we are involved in. Even though we are not married or engaged yet, we are prayerfully considering marriage and I strongly feel that God has spoken to me about this man being my husband. It is really helping with so many things and to be able to see other couples interact and tell stories has really blessed us both and makes Phil less anxious about getting married.

Well, that's my weekend recap...what did you guys do this weekend?