Longings

Change.

It's inevitable, but sometimes I still long for the things that were once familiar no matter how good things are now.

I long for the time where I loved the little boy that I watched just like my own child. We would hang out and nothing made me happier. It was like he was mine and God was giving me a taste of motherhood. I loved him without regret and still do. It's been three years and I find myself thinking about him and wishing to spend time with the little boy who stole my heart.

I long for the time I had in Virginia with my "Life Group." It was such a great group of people that were able to come together and have the most incredible time serving God. The people I've met there have grown so much and are great people now. It's hard to go back and see how everyone and everything has changed and that I was not there to be a part of it all, but the changes are good and seeing how happy everyone is makes me feel blessed.

I long for the time when my sister and I were close. It was only for a moment, but it was great. I miss having my sister in my life, but she's married and lives across the country. Hopefully one day we will rekindle our friendship as it once was.

I miss having a best friend that I could see face-to-face and call for anything. I miss hanging out and knowing that no matter what we said or did, we accepted and loved one another. It's difficult living in different states from your best friend. People move on and friendships come and go. I hope to one day have that kind of relationship once again.

Most of all, I miss my relationship with my family. I long to see my siblings grow up and to help them through the awkward, teenage years. I pray that one day my parents and I can be on a level where they can see and accept me for the woman I have become.

Despite all of the things that I long for the most, I am still thankful and blessed to have this life that God has given me. I have the most incredibly amazing man anyone could ask for who loves me so much. I have a great group of friends and support system who have stuck with me through moving across the country and to another state. Even though I long for the things of the past, I long most for the things of the future and for the wonderful blessings that are yet to come.

On Who I Am...

I feel like I'm constantly learning more about myself. I am always trying to figure out who I am and what I want. I'm learning that it is ok for me to be me. It's ok for me to not always be sure of what I want or who I am--that's part of life. Things are constantly changing and so am I.

I know that no matter what, Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I love the smells, the weather, the leaves changing colors, and all things pumpkin. It feels magical to me and very comfortable. This past weekend has felt like Fall and I love it.

Christmas is my second favorite season. I know, it should be winter, but it's honestly the Christmas season that I love. The lights, peppermint, hot chocolate, spirit of giving, and general warm fuzzies that I get during this time of year is what makes it special to me.

I love ice cream any time of the year.

Candles make me happy, particularly the ones that smell great.

I love being crafty. I don't do this so much anymore, but hopefully one day soon it will be more often.

Going to dinner/lunch/coffee/playing games with friends. Nothing is better than getting together with one or two of my best girl friends and having a date.

I love going out of my way to make someone else's day better.

I love getting into a great book and finding out it is part of an amazing series.

I love knowing that in only five-ish months, I will be marrying the man of my dreams.

These are just a few of the things that I love and will always love. My list is ever growing and ever changing, but these things are just a little part of what makes me....me.