Big Decisions

After much thought, prayer, and consideration my husband and I decided that it would be  best for me to stay at home and not to return to work in the fall as we had originally planned. I'm sure there are many questions regarding our decision, but please know that it is a good thing for us.

One thing I've learned is that I absolutely LOVE being at home. I love serving my husband by taking care of the house and freeing up more of his time. I also love that I can put on my favorite show(s) and multi-task with organizing, cleaning, or sewing. I love that I can focus on getting our apartment to where I want it to be and have much more time to expand my business. I also really love to save money!

I know it might sound crazy to some, but saving money has been a lot of fun for me. I love to try new things and have found a lot of DIY projects to do.

The most recent money saving projects I have done are:

1. Making homemade laundry soap. It was super easy, smells great, and works like a charm.
2. Making homemade baby wipes. No, I'm not pregnant, but we use baby wipes for a variety of things. I like knowing what goes in the products I use and it works well.
3. Making homemade dishwashing detergent. Yep, I've got my first load going as we speak! It's super easy and so cheap!

In addition to all of these things, I don't eat McDonalds everyday, have stopped drinking soda, and try to only go out to eat when invited (sometimes I invite people over so that I can make something here at the house instead). I've learned that I can make a steak that my husband and I like even more than the restaurant and two steaks for dinner is still cheaper than one out!

Overall, I am really looking forward to this new chapter in our lives. We are trusting God to continue to provide so that I am able to stay home and enjoying life at the moment.

It's Official!

I am a stay-at-home wife! At least I will be for the next six months!

I know many of you have questions on why I left teaching, but please know that it was the best decision for myself and for my marriage.

Yes, I am ok with our decision. In fact, I am thrilled to be able to take this time and focus on myself, my husband, my business, and our apartment. I love being at home and taking care of everything and having the energy to do so. I am considering this to be a blessing from God!

I do have a job lined up for late summer/early fall that I am really looking forward to. In the meantime, we will be making a lot of changes financially to be able to afford me being home so if we can't go out as much right now, that's ok. I hope you all understand.

Phil and I are really excited about this new opportunity and are looking forward to this change.

Longings

Change.

It's inevitable, but sometimes I still long for the things that were once familiar no matter how good things are now.

I long for the time where I loved the little boy that I watched just like my own child. We would hang out and nothing made me happier. It was like he was mine and God was giving me a taste of motherhood. I loved him without regret and still do. It's been three years and I find myself thinking about him and wishing to spend time with the little boy who stole my heart.

I long for the time I had in Virginia with my "Life Group." It was such a great group of people that were able to come together and have the most incredible time serving God. The people I've met there have grown so much and are great people now. It's hard to go back and see how everyone and everything has changed and that I was not there to be a part of it all, but the changes are good and seeing how happy everyone is makes me feel blessed.

I long for the time when my sister and I were close. It was only for a moment, but it was great. I miss having my sister in my life, but she's married and lives across the country. Hopefully one day we will rekindle our friendship as it once was.

I miss having a best friend that I could see face-to-face and call for anything. I miss hanging out and knowing that no matter what we said or did, we accepted and loved one another. It's difficult living in different states from your best friend. People move on and friendships come and go. I hope to one day have that kind of relationship once again.

Most of all, I miss my relationship with my family. I long to see my siblings grow up and to help them through the awkward, teenage years. I pray that one day my parents and I can be on a level where they can see and accept me for the woman I have become.

Despite all of the things that I long for the most, I am still thankful and blessed to have this life that God has given me. I have the most incredibly amazing man anyone could ask for who loves me so much. I have a great group of friends and support system who have stuck with me through moving across the country and to another state. Even though I long for the things of the past, I long most for the things of the future and for the wonderful blessings that are yet to come.

On Who I Am...

I feel like I'm constantly learning more about myself. I am always trying to figure out who I am and what I want. I'm learning that it is ok for me to be me. It's ok for me to not always be sure of what I want or who I am--that's part of life. Things are constantly changing and so am I.

I know that no matter what, Fall is one of my favorite seasons. I love the smells, the weather, the leaves changing colors, and all things pumpkin. It feels magical to me and very comfortable. This past weekend has felt like Fall and I love it.

Christmas is my second favorite season. I know, it should be winter, but it's honestly the Christmas season that I love. The lights, peppermint, hot chocolate, spirit of giving, and general warm fuzzies that I get during this time of year is what makes it special to me.

I love ice cream any time of the year.

Candles make me happy, particularly the ones that smell great.

I love being crafty. I don't do this so much anymore, but hopefully one day soon it will be more often.

Going to dinner/lunch/coffee/playing games with friends. Nothing is better than getting together with one or two of my best girl friends and having a date.

I love going out of my way to make someone else's day better.

I love getting into a great book and finding out it is part of an amazing series.

I love knowing that in only five-ish months, I will be marrying the man of my dreams.

These are just a few of the things that I love and will always love. My list is ever growing and ever changing, but these things are just a little part of what makes me....me.

Are you ready?

It's frustrating to watch someone you love going through something so difficult and all you can do is stand back, pray, and hope for the best. It's amazing how we can be so ready for change, but not ready enough to make the changes happen. I know I've been like that many times in my life with weight loss, going back to school, getting out of debt, and leaving unhealthy relationships behind. Sometimes it took that extra push from someone I love to help me make the change and sometimes it was something I had to do all on my own. With the weight loss, Phil had to sit me down and tell me that it was something I needed to do. No, he wasn't calling me fat, but he didn't like to sit around and see me get depressed about my weight all the time. Finally, he told me that we needed to do something together. At that point I honestly looked him in the eyes and said that I did not want to put in the effort to work out and eat better. It was just not what I was going to do...or so I thought.

Later that night we prayed about a lot of things. He told me that other people were commenting on my unhealthy habits and he could see that I was not happy being how I was. The next day, I decided that it was do or die time. I stopped giving excuses and started by eating better one thing at a time. I chose moderation with foods I like and incorporated more fruits and veggies. We also got a gym membership as a student special for the summer and started working out. The first two weeks were great. We went about four days each week and I played softball on Sundays. The last couple of weeks has been a little harder. I've been exhausted from the new work schedule, but we still managed to make it two or three times each week with softball on Sundays. We are looking into continuing the membership after the summer is over so that the good habits will be able to continue and not just end because it's the summer.

I know this all seems trivial, but it really isn't. No one is really ready for change until they go through the hard, real emotions of it all and are going to do everything it takes to make that change happen. You must first realize the situation you are in and know that you deserve better, want better, and are going to go through the good and bad to get there. It will get better, it just takes time. Everyone deserves a second start, what about you?

Seasons of Change

Throughout life there is change. Change is inevitable and you can not escape it. Change can be both good and bad, but even if it is the best thing why do I still get anxious and apprehensive about it? Right now I need change to grow, I have set out and thouroughly thought about it, prayed about it, sought out counsel on the matter and everything seems to be lining up well for the change, but I can't help but to feel apprehensive and unsure to an extent.

I understand being unsure and apprehensive as part of the deal, seriously with big change there is always the uncertainty of "what if" looming in the background. I just wish I could get rid of the thoughts involved with it. The people I have talked to agree that it is the best move for me and needs to happen. Then why do I still question it?

It's always easy even when you don't like something to become comfortable in it. It's difficult to break up the certainty and comfort to do something else. Uncertainty seems to be the one thing that really hits me. I know that God tells me this is what He wants me to do and I believe and agree it is the best option. He has never steered me wrong so far!

Another thing I would like is to have more options. The one I have is definitely better than the current situation, but there will be a period of struggling in order to make it work. I strongly believe that God will sometimes as you to make changes and be uncomfortable for a time in order to bless you and to draw closer to Him. It seems that this is the only option really presenting itself and sometimes, that's just how it is.

I have pretty much made the decision that the change needs to happen. Unfortunately that doesn't relieve all of the worries that are there. I know that I can look to my support system and most importantly to God to get me through all of this!