Thursday, August 22, 2013

Accepting Help

I'm sure I've mentioned this before, but my husband and I are living with my in-laws while we save for a house. Of course this is good and challenging in so many ways. 

When I first found out I was pregnant, my mother-in-law let me know that she wants to be grandma and not the sole childcare provider. Fair enough. I want to take care of my child and she deserves to be a grandma and to spoil him as she pleases. I also let her know many times that this is our child and that I do not expect for her to care for him as a parent, but that she is more than welcome to hold him, feed him, and play with him as often as she wants.

Throughout the pregnancy, my in-laws were excited, but not in an overly excited way. They were pretty mellow about the baby for the most part. Then he made his arrival and oh my goodness were they excited! They came to the hospital while I was in labor and waited for him to be born. They got to see him minutes after he was born (once I was taken care of) and waited the two hours that he was being checked out in the nursery to see him again (even though it was getting pretty late). 

Once we came home, I noticed that they were really stepping into their grandparent roles quite well. They each like to spend some time with him every day holding him and they even go into his room while he's sleeping just to "check on him" and get a "peek." It's been great. They've even watched him a couple of times when we needed to go to the store since I wasn't cleared to drive and the pediatrician doesn't want him in large crowds for 4-8 weeks after birth because he's a late pre-term.

Matthew has been a pretty easy baby so far. He eats, sleeps until his next feeding, we change him, and the cycle starts all over again. We had a couple of nights where he was waking every 2 hours and seemed super fussy. The next night was worse with him waking every 1 hour and fussing for the second hour. This left both the baby and I exhausted the next day.

My mother-in-law wanting to be helpful offered to watch him while I napped. I felt horrible about this because I sleep when the baby sleeps and I need a nap, but the kid just would not sleep! He was up from 10:30am until we left for the pediatrician at 2pm. He would cry whenever the pacifier wasn't in his mouth and was wanting to eat constantly.

At the pediatrician's office I broke down when she (again) offered to let me nap. I told her that I didn't want to take advantage of her and that I love taking care of him. She let me know that I needed rest too and that she didn't mind. She also offered to watch him that evening so I could go to the grocery store and Target with my husband. I let her know that I didn't like leaving him and she said she understood, but reminded me that it's important to take care of myself so that I can properly take care of the baby. She was so understanding and kind.

Clearly, I need to work on accepting help. Could I do it all on my own? Of course, but I would probably be burnt out which wouldn't be good for anyone. I'm feeling blessed and much better today and the baby is too!


Ashley B. said...

First off don't feel bad! ALL first time moms go through this! (well at least I did!) It's hard letting someone watch your baby while you nap or grocery shop, you feel guilty in a way. But your mother in law gave wonderful advice. If mommy isn't taken care of she can't take care of baby properly. So take them up on the offers to help =) once the baby is older and you have gotten into a routine it won't be so stressful and tiring ;).


Sarah at Midwest Pillowtalk said...

accept what you can get for sure! crue wont sleep AT ALL during the day and it is rough on him and me for sure!