Saturday, November 29, 2008

Is it really too much to ask?

Everything went well when I told my employers that I would like to move to Maryland and pursue new opportunities out there. It was really a great to be able to get that off of my chest and to have it be so positive!

I met with the agency today. It makes me very comfortable to be able to work with professionals who will refer me to their clients and have my interests at heart. They help with taxes, getting benefits as an individual, and giving papers with helpful questions and information to pick the right family. When I asked what the average salary I was told between $12-$15/hour. Ok, I thought, not so bad. This gives me a good reference of what I should charge, a question that I often struggle with.

I have been interviewing with a couple of families so far. I was offered a position last week in D.C. with a great family. Unfortunately I got one of my "feelings" that it wasn't right so I declined that offer. There was another family last weekend that was met with, but you couldn't pay me enough to work for this woman! She made me feel as though I was not good enough for her and her child. She also said she doesn't believe in discipline, and boy you could tell with her two year old! This brings me to the first family that the agency has referred me to. A position not far from the boyfriend (!). I have an interview with them tomorrow morning. The stats: twin one-month old babies and a three year old little girl. It's definitely a lot of work, but who says I'm not up for a challenge? The question, how much should I ask for?

I am constantly second guessing the salary question because I have been underpaid for many positions because I will not stand my ground with how much I am worth. Today someone emailed me about a position for 50 hours/week for two children both under 3 years. They asked what I charge and because I looked up the information from where you can put in a zip code, years of experience, and the number of children and it gives you a rate. It said $14/hr so when I emailed her back I let her know I wanted $13-$15/hr. I even called my mom who said I was not over-charging especially since the agency and website both gave similar rates. For the record, being a nanny you do not get time and a half for overtime, just a basic, flat rate for all of the hours worked. Well, to my surprise the woman emailed me back saying that she is willing to offer $350/week to watch her two children from 7am-5pm M-F. Ummm....say what?

Am I going crazy here? I could have sworn that $7/hr is insulting for someone who is watching your two children for 50 hours a week! Apparently I should be able to live off of that salary, you know with having to rent some place to accept that job. Ya, sure.

What are your thoughts?

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Thank you...

Thank you for not believing in me. For putting me down and making me feel like nothing. Thank you for being not so supportive when I needed it most. You are great at calling me up and gloating or needing someone to hear you complain about your life where everything is handed to you. Thank you for ending a conversation time and time again when I am clearly upset and just need someone to listen. Thank you for making me feel alienated and not good enough and competing with my life as if you don't already have enough. You are supposed to be the one that I call for anything and be on my side, instead, you want my life, yet want to be better than me in everything you do. You claim to be my best friend, family, boss, etc, but you really don't care about me unless it benefits you in some way. Sure, you like to hear about my life when it is going crappy, just to feel better about yourself. You may pretend to be there for a minute or two, but when that time is up you say you have to go or just ignore me. You are great at not wanting to stop talking when something is going on with you or if you need something, anything really.

Here's the problem...

I'm tired of it. Tired of putting up with all of this crap for so long. You put me down and want to take the joy and happiness from me. Guess what, that's really too bad. You are jealous of me and I get it. In fact, I completely understand why. For some it may be the fact that no matter how many times I have failed God has pulled me through. He has been making me stronger and stronger through all of the hard times and struggles and you wish you could be the same way. Instead, you are stuck in a dead end relationship, living situation, job, whatever. For others it might be that you see that I have been making good decisions to better my life. I am taking courses online and have just over a year to earn my bachelor's degree to do something I have dreamed of since I was a child. You decided not to finish your degree and feel intimidated by the fact that I am pushing through to earn mine. Or how about this one, after years and years of bad relationships I am finally in one where there is a solid future ahead. That's right. I have a well-educated man who loves me for me, treats me with respect and kindness, and has integrity. I don't have to worry about my boyfriend going behind my back for anything or for anyone else. You think that he's "dorky" and would prefer someone "cool." Well, here's something for you to chew on... would you rather have someone who loves you and is a little "dorky" and never have to worry about your relationship or would you rather have someone "cool" who you constantly have to call and check up on them or worry about where they are or why haven't they shown up or called? It's a no-brainer, really.

You see, you may be able to bring me down for a little while, but ultimately I have a few things on my side. I have a relationship with God who provides and is in control. Although I may worry about things from my past or present or even future situation, I can have confidence that God is going to use these things for His glory. I have a couple of friends who, no matter what, have stuck by me through thick and thin. They don't care what I go through and won't leave me hanging if I have a need. It goes both ways like it should. And lastly, I have a man in my life that I love and I know loves me. He doesn't put me down or make me feel bad about myself for anything. He is there to listen, give me a hug, and be my best friend.

So, next time you think about how sad my life is, look in the mirror and realize that maybe it's not me you feel sorry for, it's you. End of story.