Thursday, August 27, 2009


Over the past few years my life has been thrown through more loops than I can imagine. I am really at a great place and it took a lot of time and perserverance to get where I am today. Looking back there are so many things that I should have done differently. I hurt my family and that is something that haunts me every day. There is nothing I want more than to mend things with my family and to be apart of their lives.

Throughout these years I have been fighting to regain the trust that was lost and it has been at a standstill. The only difference is that I am on good terms with my dad. My sister contacted me and said she wants me apart of her life, but my step-mom said that I'm not a good influence. This is by far the most hurtful thing I have had to deal with. I have completely turned my life around since everything happened seven years ago. I am a regular church attender and for a while worked with the youth ministries. I am a nanny and am a role model every day for the three kids that are in my care. I have gone back to school and will graduate with a Bachelor's degree in January! I have a great, Christian boyfriend that my dad approves of. I pay my bills, have my own apartment, make good decisions, and really care about others around me.

My dad has expressed nothing more than that he wants me to be apart of the family again, but there is no way that my step-mom is ready yet. I just wish she would get to know me so that she can see the person I have become and all of the many accomplishments that I've achieved.

I can only pray and in faith know that God will turn this situation around. Please keep me in your prayers too.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

What I thought was a "wasted trip"

Yesterday was a great day. On Friday I found out I unexpectedly got it off and it just so happened to coincide with Phil's day off! Nevertheless, I was super excited. We started our day by heading down to Rockville. It's about an hour drive to get there, but I really wanted to check out World Market and see if I could find the throw pillows that were on their website there. It was a fantastic store, but we couldn't find the pillows for the couch and the utensils looked a little funny so we decided to trek on over to Ikea.

Ikea was only 10.5 more miles or so down the road (because when you live where I do all of the ridiculously great stores seem to be an hour away) and we headed there. Phil had never been to Ikea *i know, right?*and we went up the the restaurant/cafeteria there and had lunch. He was shocked that we could both have penne pasta for lunch for under $10 and that it tasted that good! Of course, I was super excited to be at Ikea--they have so many cool things at great prices. We finally found the throw pillows and couldn't find one to go with the couch, again so we went to look at new slip covers for the couch. When we got there we found out that most of the slip covers were $49 unless you wanted a super rough white one for $19.

I have been talking about getting a new couch for a while now, but it was more of a "distant" reality so to speak, but when I thought about how much the slip cover and two throw pillows would cost the though of investing close to $100 in a couch I wanted to replace seemed like a horrible idea when I could use the money for a new couch. At first, Phil was not on board with the new couch idea. After driving back home I asked if we could look at one of the furniture stores in town and we discussed the couch thing again.

It's not like the couch I have now is horrible, it's just that I really am finding my own style, am 25 years old, and really want to have things that feel like they "fit." The couch I have now is a basic one from Ikea with a dark blue slipcover. One of my best friends gave it to me when they got a new one and I gladly accepted it. I just thought it was time for a new couch and my reasons were definitely valid.

Off to three different furniture stores we went. The first one had an ugly green one that was comfy, but ugly and it kind of looked funny. The price tag: $399. I really didn't want to spend that much and especially not on something that was not our style at all. We went to Gardiner's next and saw a bunch of things we liked for a heck of a lot more money. It was a little discouraging. On the way out and to our third store, Phil made me promise that we wouldn't get anything today. He wanted to really look around and make an informed decision. I told him I had no intention of buying today and want to look all over to find the perfect couch at a perfect price. To me, this price was $300 or less. I knew it would take some searching and was up for it, but I made him pinky promise that if we found something super fantastic that we could not pass up then that's a different story. He agreed.

On to Gardiner's we went. The first thing that the lady in the store told us was that they had two sofas on sale and that today was the last day. The first was a cream color one that was on sale for $299 and is in the back. The second was a green one for $399 in the front. We looked around and headed straight for the back. The couch we wanted was cream or light beige in color, soft, plush pillows, and super comfy. On the way back, Phil even said that he didn't expect much and wanted to see what was wrong with this couch that they put it on sale for $299.

Much to our surprise we went back and saw this:

Needless to say it is perfect! We pick it up on Saturday and may have difficulty rearranging the living room and getting it in the door, but we're determined to make it work. We both love it and finding something that we both love is...well...super difficult. I am seriously thanking God for the wonderful couch that we found on a total whim! Now, for making it fit...

Friday, August 21, 2009


I've been a little less than thrilled lately. There have been a few reasons why:

--I'm getting over a cold I got from the kids. I'm exhausted because of it and feel blah.

--My job has been difficult this week. Three kids and 50 hours for the week when they all want to do different things. The oldest thinks that she deserves respect and that should come by letting her make all of the decisions and do whatever she wants. Ummm, you're only nine years about giving me some respect instead of being a complete pill thank you very much!

--The biggest reason is that I graduate with my bachelor's degree in January! Sounds great right? It is, but the problem is that the Social Studies/Education degree I am getting does not have the right classes to teach in my state :( I have tried alternative ways to getting a certification either by a Master's degree or resident teaching certification and it is not going to work unless I quit my job which I totally need to survive.

I've been holding up pretty well, but the exhaustion of being sick is totally getting to me. I have a softball tournament tomorrow (if it doesn't get rained out) and although I am looking forward to playing, I wouldn't mind if it was post-poned until Sunday to get some much needed sleep.

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Oh the drama

Being a nanny is definitely an interesting job. It is not one that I ever thought to have, but happened all the same. This being said, watching 3 kids with different interests can be a little challenging. What I can say is that last week hanging out with the youngest (who is 4) was so much fun. The two older girls were with their grandparents in another state and it was such a nice change. This week is a full 50 hour week with all 3 kids; on top of that I am battling a cold and so is the oldest child.

I came into work today to find out the youngest has a play date that we are supposed to drop him off at. This was definitely a good thing because that means that the girls and I can go home, watch a movie, and get the laundry started as requested. Unfortunately, that did not happen. As soon as we got there and the middle girl saw the blow-up pool set up, she set out to try to stick her feet in (crocs and all). I quickly stopped her because I didn't want my car to get all wet and said we needed to get going. The play-date's mom then offered for her to jump in with her clothes on. What??? I don't think so! Luckily, said child decided that she did not want her clothes wet.

Thinking we were spared any further damage or requests I mentioned that we had to go, but noooo, the play-date's mom asked the middle child if she wanted to borrow a swim suit insuring that she had one in her size. Before I could protest the child was excited and the mom ran her inside to change her into the swimsuit. I was now stuck there, at the play-date in the heat, with the oldest child and play-date mom...awkward.

It wouldn't have been so bad except that I have this cold that causes my head to spin, nose to either be stuffy or run, and feel really exhausted. Plus, you add in the heat and humidity and I melt (physically and emotionally). I do not deal well with heat and humidity....seriously. On top of that, the oldest child is a talker. So much so, that she told the play-date mom all about her life story: how her great-grandma died when she was 5, that her dad's side of the family has a long life-span, her grandma has pnemonia, she once had pnemonia, she now has a cold, etc, etc, etc...

Instead of a relaxing morning, I was stuck there for 2 1/2 hours. Way too long for comfort. I had not eaten breakfast and just wanted to chill while the girls watched a movie and the laundry was started. I now look forward to going home, eating dinner, and vegging all night because I can't go to the gym if I can't breathe well out of my nose.

*Oh, and isn't it amazing that the oldest child can be soooo sick, need tylenol, and complains all flippin day about how bad they feel, but can be ok enough to go to a friend's house and when I say resting and driking plenty of fluids is better tries to say that she wanted to go outside and practice field hockey with said friend....ya, i don't think so.

Saturday, August 15, 2009

10 Things I've Learned

1. Me+heat+humidity=not ok. I seriously do not deal well with the previously mentioned. I actually melt, well kinda. I get sweaty, gross, and while in Florida my feet were so swollen they looked like two potatoes...eww.
2. Sometimes when I get entirely too overwhelmed I need to just veg out and may or may not need some chocolate-y goodness to go along with it.
3. I feel so much better when I go to the gym.
4. I really need to try to get to said gym this week despite my 50 hours of work with all three kids for the next couple of weeks.
5. My boyfriend is seriously great.
6. We all have insecurities and doubts, but it is how we overcome them that is important.
7. Things do not always work out how I would like them to and I am starting to be ok with that.
8. The internet is my happy place...I must be on it for at least 15-20 minutes in the mornings to be ok.
9. Phil makes me happy. He makes me laugh at the funniest things that he does.
10. I love to go his house to get my internet and cable fix since I have neither at my apartment.