Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Thank you...

Thank you for not believing in me. For putting me down and making me feel like nothing. Thank you for being not so supportive when I needed it most. You are great at calling me up and gloating or needing someone to hear you complain about your life where everything is handed to you. Thank you for ending a conversation time and time again when I am clearly upset and just need someone to listen. Thank you for making me feel alienated and not good enough and competing with my life as if you don't already have enough. You are supposed to be the one that I call for anything and be on my side, instead, you want my life, yet want to be better than me in everything you do. You claim to be my best friend, family, boss, etc, but you really don't care about me unless it benefits you in some way. Sure, you like to hear about my life when it is going crappy, just to feel better about yourself. You may pretend to be there for a minute or two, but when that time is up you say you have to go or just ignore me. You are great at not wanting to stop talking when something is going on with you or if you need something, anything really.

Here's the problem...

I'm tired of it. Tired of putting up with all of this crap for so long. You put me down and want to take the joy and happiness from me. Guess what, that's really too bad. You are jealous of me and I get it. In fact, I completely understand why. For some it may be the fact that no matter how many times I have failed God has pulled me through. He has been making me stronger and stronger through all of the hard times and struggles and you wish you could be the same way. Instead, you are stuck in a dead end relationship, living situation, job, whatever. For others it might be that you see that I have been making good decisions to better my life. I am taking courses online and have just over a year to earn my bachelor's degree to do something I have dreamed of since I was a child. You decided not to finish your degree and feel intimidated by the fact that I am pushing through to earn mine. Or how about this one, after years and years of bad relationships I am finally in one where there is a solid future ahead. That's right. I have a well-educated man who loves me for me, treats me with respect and kindness, and has integrity. I don't have to worry about my boyfriend going behind my back for anything or for anyone else. You think that he's "dorky" and would prefer someone "cool." Well, here's something for you to chew on... would you rather have someone who loves you and is a little "dorky" and never have to worry about your relationship or would you rather have someone "cool" who you constantly have to call and check up on them or worry about where they are or why haven't they shown up or called? It's a no-brainer, really.

You see, you may be able to bring me down for a little while, but ultimately I have a few things on my side. I have a relationship with God who provides and is in control. Although I may worry about things from my past or present or even future situation, I can have confidence that God is going to use these things for His glory. I have a couple of friends who, no matter what, have stuck by me through thick and thin. They don't care what I go through and won't leave me hanging if I have a need. It goes both ways like it should. And lastly, I have a man in my life that I love and I know loves me. He doesn't put me down or make me feel bad about myself for anything. He is there to listen, give me a hug, and be my best friend.

So, next time you think about how sad my life is, look in the mirror and realize that maybe it's not me you feel sorry for, it's you. End of story.

1 comment:

Eggie Lynn said...

fyi- i love you and feel so blessed to have you!