Thursday, October 25, 2012

My Husband is the Head of the Household


There, I said it. I promised to submit to my husband in our vows because it was important to me, but how often do I submit and let him take the lead on things?

This is what has been on my mind lately.

I'm a strong-willed, opinionated woman. I like to lead and be in control, but this is not the role I'm supposed to take on in our marriage. Likewise, my husband is very calm, yet stubborn and is ok taking a step back. In a nutshell, I have a type A personality and he is type B. Sometimes this makes it difficult for me to stop and let him lead since I like to be the one who initiates things.

I've been feeling a prompting from God that I need to let my husband lead. So, that's exactly what I decided to do...except, that I didn't tell him. Instead, I sat back at Ikea when we couldn't fit the dresser in the car, laid out the options that we could utilize to get it home, and let my husband make the decision. Yes, that took about an hour extra, but I wasn't pushing him to make a decision that he didn't think was best. I encouraged him and told him that I would be happy with whatever he wanted to do.

This past weekend we went apartment hunting. After yet another incident that happened at our current apartment, we made the decision that we are moving and we needed to find a place. So, with my typical list in hand of places to check out, we took all of Saturday after church driving from apartment complex to apartment complex looking at different layouts, floor plans, pricing, and amenities. It was fun for me, but can be a little taxing for my husband.

We found out that we have different opinions on layouts and although we may both like the same ones, inevitably, we will each favor a different floor plan than the other. Again, the prompting began. I could feel God telling me to back down and let my husband make the decision. I silently prayed that God would help us find an apartment that we both liked and that I would be able to submit to my husband even if we chose the one that I liked, but wasn't my favorite.

We drove in to the last place and I had made up my mind that we were going to end up at the complex he liked more in the split-level apartment and not worry about how we would get our furniture up the stairs. I wasn't expecting much from this new place, but was shocked to find out that they were 100% occupied, all utilities are included in the rent, and that they were in our budget.

We sat down, looked at floor plans and talked a long time about the complex. We walked around to see the grounds and amenities and when the leasing agent was getting something from another room, I leaned in and asked my husband what he wanted to do. He said he wanted to put in an application and be put on the waiting list...right then and there. I was shocked. My husband likes to come home, talk about it and think about it for a week or two before we make any decisions. He is not impulsive at all and I could tell that he felt that this was the best place for us.

I decided to go with his lead and we started filling out the applications. Then, the leasing agent asked us which floor plan we liked. Immediately, we each picked a different one *head desk*. Here we go again. My husband couldn't understand why I liked the other one better. I calmly explained to him why and said I would just like him to consider it. Ultimately, it comes down to what is available anyways so we may or may not have a choice.

What I found most interesting was that the leasing agent heard that we each picked different layouts and he immediately put us down for the one that my husband chose. That definitely confirmed to me that I needed to submit at that moment and trust my husband's judgement. 

We've been praying for an apartment to open up in December for the move and I'm planning to be put in the one that my husband picked and you know what? Looking again at the pictures and floor plans, I would have to agree with him.

Funny how that happens, right?!

1 comment:

Stay at Home Wife said...

Hi Kate,

I like that you are willing to talk about hard topics like submission. It is hard to submit. At the same time, the agent could have gone with your husband's choice because of sexism rather than some divine message that you should submit. In some cases, it is sexism rather than a Biblical view point that prompts salesman to go with the man's opinions over the woman's.