Earlier I went over to Phil's house to sort through the votives that were given to me by a friend for our wedding...you know, the one that is impending so many things right now. When I went over his mom and I started talking.
We talked about our situation and how neither of us know what to do. We both agree that the relationship is a good thing for both of us and that it is frustrating that he doesn't see it yet. We talked a lot. Then dad came upstairs and joined in the fun!
Dad was very animated and gave his two cents (as he usually does). He agrees with us about the situation and really thinks it is time for Phil to see the reality of the situation. Apparently the whole family...Dad, Mom, Adam, Jen, and Gram all think we are going to get married. They all think it is a good thing and that is where we are headed. I thought so too until he couldn't even bare the thought of looking at rings and moving the relationship further.
We all know what is happening and why, but the reality of the situation is that he needs to figure it out for himself. I sometimes feel like banging my head against a wall and I overanalyze the situation until I can no longer think about it. Then I do it some more.
I don't know what to do because he wants to hear from other people what they think, but when they tell him he argues this, that, and the other because it's not what he wanted to hear.
Bottom line is that he wants what is in his mind the "perfect relationship" with the "perfect girl." I am not his idea of a "perfect girl" even though we fit perfectly together so he continues to obsess and overanalyze the situation and try to rationalize why it can't work and why it won't work.
There has to be a point where he sees that his ideas of "perfect" will leave him unhappy and bored. The pastor tried to tell him, a counselor tried to tell him, and I did too.
I guess he's just going to have to figure it out on his own.