Pictures say a thousand words...

I'll admit, I read a lot of blogs. I love reading blogs because they are like a little window into someone's life. It's kind of like when you go out and see someone and wonder what their life is like...well, blogging is kind of like that, but it's ok to stalk blogs.

One thing that has been motivating to me is seeing pictures of fellow weight-loss bloggers. It's great to be able to see the difference in a picture and not just to read about it. I think I'm going to join in on that bandwagon.

I've noticed that when there are pictures, it's easier to stay focused because you actually see what you look like instead of making up excuses (especially if you wear the same thing and use the same camera). Like this one time where I saw a picture of my mom and sister walking down the road. You could clearly tell it was them, but their was a third person that we could not identify. I remember us making comments like..."Who is that fat girl walking with you guys?" Oh, it was brutal, but after we thought about it forever, we realize that we knew that "fat girl." In fact, the fat girl was ME! Wow, you could imagine the shock and horror I felt at that moment. I was mortified!

Looking back on that moment really motivates me. I need to start documenting my progress weekly with pictures and see myself in a realistic way.

(Not so) Fit Friday

With the wedding six months away, I'm being asked a lot of questions about my weight.

"So, how much weight are you planning to lose before the wedding?"
"Are you planning on losing any weight for the wedding?"

Ok, so maybe not a lot in the form of different questions, but I'm being asked these questions a lot.

It gets tough for me because I feel, once again, like my motivation is gone. I start to eat healthier and feel like I am starving all the time. It also sucks to see everyone around me eating whatever they want because they don't need to lose any weight. My will power is non-existent as seen last night stuffing my face with dessert yet again.

I need a new game plan.

My gym has been giving me the run-around with renewing and I'm unsure if I want to stay there or go to the other gym that is more expensive and further away. There are perks to both places, but I really feel that the most important thing is to actually get there. I have the time, but it's not something I think about too much any more.

I have resorted to thinking that I'm always going to be fat. I didn't realize that I was gaining weight until it actually happened. I remember not even knowing until there was a picture of me and I was trying to figure out who the "fat girl" was standing next to my mom (it was a side shot so you couldn't see my face). Then, I realized it was me and I cringed. At that time, I knew.

The hard thing is, that in my mind I am not heavy so when I see it in pictures or the mirror it can seriously come as a complete shock...I know, right? It may be hard to believe, but this is part of the problem. Every time I think I'm doing well I'll see a recent picture and realize that it looks the same as before. I feel like there is no hope and no point in trying anymore and I gorge myself on desserts. I do manage to eat less overall still, but that doesn't cancel it out.

It all comes down to this...I need people to not hide food from me, they may think they're being helpful, but it does the complete opposite for me. I need to feel like I'm accomplishing a lot and see the results. I need some motivation, hope, and encouragement.

Let's get the party started

Let's face it, I've gained 20 pounds in the last year. That's kinda a lot and I am not happy with it at all. The weight gain has been mostly because of stress with some "love weight" thrown in there by falling in love with an incredible man. Either way it needs to go.

I'll be the first one to admit that I am a procrasinator. The gym to me seems like a great idea until it is time to go. I'm also the best excuse maker ever --due to years of practice when I was a kid --to get out of anything I did not want to do.

I'm also a stress-eater. When stress comes my way so does my appetite. Cheeseburgers, pizza, bacon, ice cream, chocolate, cake, cookies...you name it, I want it.

Because of all of these things it has been really bad on my health. I have back pain, knee pain, and I get winded going up and down stairs. When we were at DisneyWorld this past summer, I couldn't even walk around the whole time. My back was in so much pain. My knees hurt, and my feet were so swollen I couldn't even fit into shoes or my sandals I had brought! It has gotten so bad that part of my leg feels swollen and will hurt if I have it bent too much. Unfortunately Phil's sister in law is a doctor and said it is not swollen. This of course means that it is just my fat that hurts....ouch :(

I am, honestly, about 55-60 pounds away from my goal weight. It's been exhausting to not be able to bend down while sitting to get things without having my belly get in the way. Phil will actually volunteer to do many things for me to help because he knows that it is incredibly uncomfortable for me to do myself--like carrying things up the stairs for me at his house. I'm not incapable and I do many things, but the weight does get in the way more than I would like it too.

I had just about had it today when the realization came that my insecurities all stem from my weight in some form or another. The once a month personal training is not working because we only meet once a month and other than that the average gym trip has been once a week...not too good.

Phil and I had talked about how I need more training from a professional multiple times a week to really see results and be motivated. With feeling so insecure lately I decided to talk to him about actually doing that and headed off to the gym to get prices on different training options. He agreed, surprisingly, that it would be a good idea to have me try it out for 3 months meeting with a trainer 4 times a week! This way I am guaranteed to go to the gym 4 times a week for the next 3 months and there should be some kind of significant progress by that point.

My first appointment is tomorrow with my new trainer. I am hopeful that it will go well and that it will be the kick in the butt I need to get going with weight loss and living a healthier lifestyle.