Friday, November 6, 2009

I want what I can't have

It seems to happen that I can't have what I want the most. Right now that is two things...a new apartment and to get married. I am completely ready for both of these, mind you, but it looks like they are both on hold for the moment.

I went apartment searching yesterday since I was home from work and feeling better. It seems that my price range yields some very interesting apartments...either too small, run down, or in a shady neighborhood. At this point I am starting to consider my current apartment a luxury one. I asked Phil's mom to go with me to one yesterday. At the end of it our conversation went as follows:

Me: I guess I must have really high expectations or something.
Mom R.: No, I just think you have expectations in general.
Me: Well, at least now I know I'm not crazy!

Ya, my expectations are things like a decent sized apartment that has been well-maintained, nothing fancy, and in a decent neighborhood. I guess that's too much to ask for right now.

On the marriage front it seems to be at a stand-still. I have been ready to get married since before Phil and I started dating. He, on the other hand, is not. This has to be one of the most frustrating things to deal with ever. I am completely obsessed ready to get married and he could seriously wait another few years. We are working on a compromise, but it's hard not to want a ring right now.

I feel like I am doing everything I can to show him that it will be a really good thing for us, but I feel like I am wearing him down and that's not what I want. Right now I am trying to focus on not talking about it and not stressing about it hoping that he will do it in his own time. I just wish that his time was closer to my time...which may or may not have been six months ago, but still. Oh's  he's worth the wait. I love him so incredibly much and know that he is the one God has for me.

Gotta just keep praying.

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