Faking

It's hard to believe that tomorrow will complete my first week of teaching. It doesn't feel like this is actually happening, but it is. I am a full-fledged teacher. I stand in the front of the class talking about grammar, vocabulary, and literature. I give assignments, grade papers, and lesson plan. I have a total of 19 students for the three classes and 4 students in the computer lab. Needless to say, I teach.

This past week I have really loved my job. I love getting dressed for work and going in a little early to make sure that I have everything needed for the day. I love going to devotions/staff meetings in the morning. I love having co-workers again and the adult interaction that comes with it. I love coming up with fun ways to make learning exciting and seeing the kids enjoy themselves while knowing that they are still learning. I pretty much love my job.

There's only one thing that's been difficult. I feel like I'm playing pretend. I feel like everyday when I get in front of the class I "fake it" and hope the kids learn something. I know this isn't true, but that's how I feel.

I have proof that what I teach is affecting the students and they are learning what they are being taught. I can tell when the 6th graders understand the vocab words, use it in a sentence, and can act it out...two days later. I can tell when the 7th graders take their first reading/vocab/grammar quiz on the story and they all get an A or B. I can tell when the 10th graders point out the capitalization rules during the game we play and correct each other. This is how I know what I'm doing works.

I wonder when it's all going to feel real. When I'm not going to feel like I'm playing "teacher" and "dress up" and when it's going to sink in that this is my life and that it's ok to have so many blessings and good things happening. My life has turned around dramatically and sometimes it's just hard to take in. I am blessed beyond measure and know that God is with me every step of the way.

Has anyone else ever felt like they were "pretending?"