Tuesday, May 4, 2010

Meltdowns and Victories

I swear, every time I try to eat healthier it just backfires on me and I end up feeling like I'm starving all day...no matter what I eat. It sucks, really it does. So, despite my positive efforts yesterday, it happened once again. All day I tried to keep a positive attitude, in fact, the girls yesterday told me, "You're in a good mood today" when I picked them up from school. Unfortunately when the hunger kicks in hard, you can only imagine how long that "good mood" can last. Still, I tried to make the best of it. Until the unexpected happened.

Phil and I went to the store last night to get me a fan for my room. I am trying to be super frugal with my job ending in June and not wanting to spend tons of money on utilities which means no air conditioning. It worked out well last summer and I used a portable air conditioner only when it was too humid in the apartment to get it manageable, then went back to the fan. So, here we are walking down the aisles looking for fans, I am hungry as all get out and the oldest girl I watch gave me a really rough afternoon yesterday. We see the aisle of fans and he goes to the small "personal fans" while I was thinking more of a standing oscillating fan. Now, I'm pretty open-minded since he's paying for it and all and trying to be cool about it, but there are so many freakin' fans that I get completely overwhelmed. I'm hungry, anxious, overwhelmed, and a getting a bit angsty as to why it can't just be easier to pick a fan. So, what do I do? I sat down on the open shelf and try not to cry. Yes, cry. Because apparently that's how I handle things. Luckily, it's not the balling type of crying more like the silent, short, why the heck are tears even coming out, sort of a cry.

Poor Phil. He's standing there not knowing what to do and once we finally get a fan he offers to get me something from McDonalds so that I can stop feeling like crap. Since I'm really trying to eat healthier I decided to forgo the fast food and we went to my apartment to drop off the stuff and so I could eat some dinner only to still be hungry...again. So, once we got back to his house I grabbed a glass of milk and a tub of grapes. I sat there watching tv and on the internet eating grapes until the feeling of starvation went away. Well, by the time that happened the whole tub of grapes was almost gone and when Phil came back from his shower and saw that he busted out laughing!

The best part about it all is that when I stepped on the scale this morning, it said that I've dropped 1.6 pounds! That is the first time the scale has moved down in over two months!!! I'm thinking it was a victory!

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